I sat there, hearing to my principal's speech . As per usual, I'm the first one . Sitting down there, just waiting and cursing and praying . I was fucking sure, I did all I can . Wahh, looking up I freaked out, like totally . Then collection of results time ! I was the first, I just freaking took my result, didn't want to hear to my form teacher's talk and got up and sat down at my place back .
Pathetic .
I sat there alone, staring my stupid result . I didn't even notice what the fuck was going around me and the fact that I was already crying . My friends came to me, and seriously I didn't mean to push y'all, especially Afa . Sorry . I was thinking what the fuck am I suppose to say to my parents . Afa and Farah tried saying some stuffs to me, not that I could recall . But it didn't get to my head straight . All I said was where the fuck am I suppose to go and what the fuck am I suppose to do . Then it's Afa's and Farah's turn . They were laughing and hugging and I took off , to the vendilator . But I changed my mind and went to level 3 girl's toliet and smoked and cried my life away . Siak ahh, for the first time, I wasn't planned for it at all, and seriously didn't expect it . I seriously didn't know what to do with my life .
BUT Afa and Farah managed to find me . Wah, then they called the whole crew down . I sat in the last cubicle, on the jamban but with the top closed la . Farah Epul Afa Ilah like crowd at the front just letting me cry and smoke . Farah stared at me with her puppy dog eyes all the while and I started feeling remorseful . But I couldn't help it . Then I called my parents .
Mom: Ape ?
Me: (my points)
Mom: Dah agak dah .
Me: Hmmm . Im sorry .
Line dead .
Dad: Berape ?
Me: (my points) I did my best, bah .
Dad: Teruk kan ?
Me: No ! Still can make it !
Dad: ITE ah nie ?
Me: No, bah ! Can still try poly . Can .
Dad: You're crying ?
Me: No . I'm in the toliet . Not crying .
Dad: Sighs . Takkaire, bye .
Line dead .
Sister: Cam ?
Me: (my points)
Sister: To me, it doesn't really matter .
Me: Kak, Ibu freaking disappointed .
Sister: And so are you . I think you're satisfied with it, but disappointed for disappointing ibu and abah . Mira, you know they just want you to be perfect . You had it bad uh . Ary, dier repeat, masok ITE pon ibu tak marah . Aku dapat 12 ke 14, aku taknak masok JC pon abah tak marah . They let us do what we want . They put their hopes on you . They don't realise they want you to be perfect, but aku&aryy dah tawu siak . It's enough for me .
Me: It's never going to be enough siak . I'll forever be under your shadow .
Sister: You're expecting too much from yourself just because of ibu and abah . Dalam mate dorang, kau kurang ajar nie seme . Padahal kau yang banyak dengar cakap dorang , dorang jek tatawu . To me, honestly, I've never seen you work so hard to get something you want . Maybe it's just luck .
Me: Yada yada yada . I didn't study hard enough I guess .
Sister: Mi , I'll transfer 50 to your account . You go and relax yourself, tak cukop bilang . Pass me your account number . You go drink or something, I'll takkaire of the rest .
Me: Kay bye kak . Btw, thanks .
Sister: Akak mane tak akan sayang adeq cam kau cibai .
Line dead .
All the way, Farah put her arms around me . Thanks babe . Then I decided I had to cheer up . Then I got up and went out the toliet, Ahmad Alya Afzhal Kas was there . At 100, stared at the result, as if it was going to change . Nangis lagy, kimek bile mau penat . Then, I said to the rest, I promise to cheer up in a min, which I did . Then we went home to change clothes and came down back . There she was, my mother (: Took my result slip .
Mom: This kind of shit you gave me ?! After all, I gave you ?
Me: Sorry .
Mom: You know your cousin got 11 points ? This is what you get ? Blaja ? Blaja takkan dapat nie results . Nie results, slackers2 cam kau jek dapat . I'm super disappointed in you . You don't need to talk to me . Don't be a hypocrite, pretending to cry . You deserve it . Gy jahanam nan kau .
So I went down back with the rest . Met Alya Zal Kas . They tried to cheer me up . Then met Ilah and Affik , they too tried to cheer me up . Then kite minom . Then seme turon . So there was , Ilah Farah Azli Hasnon Agust Raphie Amir . And I got drunk and the thoughts came back . And Farah was the only one who realised it . Ilah was drunk too . And Farah tried talking to me, seriously she made me feel better . And then Raphie somehow realised too . And he tried talking to me . Seriously, I didn't wish to feel that bad . He tried telling me it was okay . He talked to me, sampai terbalek lambat . Sorry bitch . I love Farah and bitch . But I still got to go through this, it is my future .
Then it got really bad . Like seriously, I've never been that drunk or sick . I couldn't even get up . I was telling myself to sober up . But everything was spinning, even things in my brain was . My points, my parents, my life, my future, ITE, poly . I knew I had to clear my head, fast . They made me like eat a lemon . Ilah, I'm so sorry for screaming at you . Then, Ilah made the rest go home cause they were late . So Farah and Has left . Followed by Amir and Agust . Kene pakse . Then Kenet Azli And Ilah were left . We walked home , but somehow Azli carried me although I said I could walk . Thanks Azli . And Ilah made sure I reached my doorstep , and as I walked I looked at her, and thanked her like gazillion times . And I bathed and called they all to thank them . And I called Raphie, firstly cause I miss him and secondly cause I just felt a need to talk to him . And then my dad wanted to talk to me . Then I felt so bad that I fell asleep on the kitchen floor, in tears and forgotten to call Raphie =(
Farah, Ilah, Raphie, Epul, Afa, Agust, Amir, Azli, Kenet, Affik, Ahmad, Alya, Afzal . Thanks (:
Kimek, sayang korang rabak .
Labels: Bummed; Disappointment failure .