Bloodthirsting Temptation, Hallucination of the Blind
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Y O U R S T R U L Y
sixteen cheers for me
Perfunction like me is perfect
Life's awesome
But Im getting bored of singlity
Im Superman
Superiority sucks, it ruins people
So yeah, I suck .
I'm the kind of girl who ALWAYS have a bad hair day .
I stammer alot . I'm super clumsy . I zoned out, alot .
I'm short, thin, small-eyed but I have a talking tummy .
I get rejected, and it'll rain on my wedding day .
Yup, I'm low esteem (:
F I F T E E N
RANDOM FACTS
well, i am STRANGE
ONE Yo Freaks, I make it simple for you.
TWO If you think you're too superior, leave .
THREE I'm haywired, difficult, weird in my own way .
FOUR I think the best of everyone and the worst of everything .
FIVE I'm weak in many ways .
SIX I'm no bitch but I can act as one .
SEVEN I'm no gangster but I can along with them .
EIGHT All I want to do now is partyy .
NINE All I want is to see a bit of light in the end of the day .
TEN I can't make it Farah, Ilah, Yati, Yuyul, Mom, Dad, Ari, AinaJ, Kyna .
ELEVEN &I love Afa, Ina, Epul, Rad, Anoi, Adah & alot more .
TWELVE And definitely, I'm thankful that I've found my bitch .
THIRTEEN No rules, just have courtesy alright (:
FOURTEEN Gossip, label all you want about me .
FIFTEEN But remember you're still on my blog page, bitch (:
T O D O L I S T
this should be useful
Work .
Enjoy .
Smoke .
Drink .
Fly .
Get a proper boyfriend .
B I T C H F I T S
yakkity yak yak
It's time to relax (:
7:13 AM - Sunday, January 18, 2009
So, on Friday , it was me and my date (:So, Farah and me went to work .Then we thought of catching a movie .So we lied to our supervisor, saying we got some school stuffs to do .And we went to Downtown .Bought Ong Bak 2 tickets, Farah cakap cite hantu !Hahaha ! I said already cite fight2 .Then we went to downtown jalan2, window shopping .Kimekkk, sort sekejap .Sekali kene screen nan ampai .Hahaha, funny incident .Farah and me eyhhh .Drama siot .Ader tuh ampai tak kasi aku tgk movie ?Tak mengamok .Dier suroh Farah tgk sorang , eywahhh .Dengar2 dier yg bayar kan !Thanks to the ampaiS, we were 20 mins late for the movie .Then bought popcorn and stuffs .Im telling you , I was like fainting and I could feel as though it were my bones that were breaking .Sekali terserempak with my ex and his girl .Hahaha, cute kape dorang .Apparently they also going to see Ong Bak 2, and my ex said his girl were like breaking his bones . Hahahaha .Then, we headed back to Bedok, karaoke due orang .Naek gler .Kacau2 mengacau orang otw .Then kite karaoke, we were more like screaming than singing .Then kite rap la, joget dangdut la .Tonggang terbalek siakk .But gerek ah , thanks baby .Did I mention how much I love Farah ?Cause for a moment that day, actually the whole day I forgotten about my problems and I felt free, w/o the help of booze ?Thanks Farah and Bitch for everything (:Then on Saturday, met Anoi and Adah .Temankan dorang minom .Hahaha, they were cute, I must say .But somehow la kan, they looked sad but were trying to cover it .It's just the stage of growing up babies .You got to pull through it, cause there will be more ahead .You have to taste pain to taste gloryy .Cheer up babies (:And I love Adah and Anoi .After which I met Ilah Affik Farah(sedare Ilah) and some of her friends .Went to Arab St, Shisha-ing .Last2 maen Uno siul pat situ . Hahaha !After then went home and trouble invades .Thanks uhh, family squabbles .And the ending is, Fuming brother, Nose Bleeding sister and Limping me (:
I so need a time-out .
As in, a quiet outing .
As in, just slack around with a small group of company .
Farah; I thank you so much for sticking with me through everything .
Bitch; I love you (:
Labels: Bummed; So so numb, I can't even feel the pain of being hit .
Lowest point of life .
12:37 AM - Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Anxious .I sat there, hearing to my principal's speech . As per usual, I'm the first one . Sitting down there, just waiting and cursing and praying . I was fucking sure, I did all I can . Wahh, looking up I freaked out, like totally . Then collection of results time ! I was the first, I just freaking took my result, didn't want to hear to my form teacher's talk and got up and sat down at my place back .Pathetic .I sat there alone, staring my stupid result . I didn't even notice what the fuck was going around me and the fact that I was already crying . My friends came to me, and seriously I didn't mean to push y'all, especially Afa . Sorry . I was thinking what the fuck am I suppose to say to my parents . Afa and Farah tried saying some stuffs to me, not that I could recall . But it didn't get to my head straight . All I said was where the fuck am I suppose to go and what the fuck am I suppose to do . Then it's Afa's and Farah's turn . They were laughing and hugging and I took off , to the vendilator . But I changed my mind and went to level 3 girl's toliet and smoked and cried my life away . Siak ahh, for the first time, I wasn't planned for it at all, and seriously didn't expect it . I seriously didn't know what to do with my life .BUT Afa and Farah managed to find me . Wah, then they called the whole crew down . I sat in the last cubicle, on the jamban but with the top closed la . Farah Epul Afa Ilah like crowd at the front just letting me cry and smoke . Farah stared at me with her puppy dog eyes all the while and I started feeling remorseful . But I couldn't help it . Then I called my parents .Mom: Ape ?Me: (my points)Mom: Dah agak dah .Me: Hmmm . Im sorry .Line dead .Dad: Berape ?Me: (my points) I did my best, bah .Dad: Teruk kan ?Me: No ! Still can make it !Dad: ITE ah nie ?Me: No, bah ! Can still try poly . Can .Dad: You're crying ?Me: No . I'm in the toliet . Not crying .Dad: Sighs . Takkaire, bye .Line dead .Sister: Cam ?Me: (my points)Sister: To me, it doesn't really matter .Me: Kak, Ibu freaking disappointed .Sister: And so are you . I think you're satisfied with it, but disappointed for disappointing ibu and abah . Mira, you know they just want you to be perfect . You had it bad uh . Ary, dier repeat, masok ITE pon ibu tak marah . Aku dapat 12 ke 14, aku taknak masok JC pon abah tak marah . They let us do what we want . They put their hopes on you . They don't realise they want you to be perfect, but aku&aryy dah tawu siak . It's enough for me .Me: It's never going to be enough siak . I'll forever be under your shadow .Sister: You're expecting too much from yourself just because of ibu and abah . Dalam mate dorang, kau kurang ajar nie seme . Padahal kau yang banyak dengar cakap dorang , dorang jek tatawu . To me, honestly, I've never seen you work so hard to get something you want . Maybe it's just luck . Me: Yada yada yada . I didn't study hard enough I guess .Sister: Mi , I'll transfer 50 to your account . You go and relax yourself, tak cukop bilang . Pass me your account number . You go drink or something, I'll takkaire of the rest .Me: Kay bye kak . Btw, thanks .Sister: Akak mane tak akan sayang adeq cam kau cibai .Line dead .All the way, Farah put her arms around me . Thanks babe . Then I decided I had to cheer up . Then I got up and went out the toliet, Ahmad Alya Afzhal Kas was there . At 100, stared at the result, as if it was going to change . Nangis lagy, kimek bile mau penat . Then, I said to the rest, I promise to cheer up in a min, which I did . Then we went home to change clothes and came down back . There she was, my mother (: Took my result slip .Mom: This kind of shit you gave me ?! After all, I gave you ?Me: Sorry .Mom: You know your cousin got 11 points ? This is what you get ? Blaja ? Blaja takkan dapat nie results . Nie results, slackers2 cam kau jek dapat . I'm super disappointed in you . You don't need to talk to me . Don't be a hypocrite, pretending to cry . You deserve it . Gy jahanam nan kau .So I went down back with the rest . Met Alya Zal Kas . They tried to cheer me up . Then met Ilah and Affik , they too tried to cheer me up . Then kite minom . Then seme turon . So there was , Ilah Farah Azli Hasnon Agust Raphie Amir . And I got drunk and the thoughts came back . And Farah was the only one who realised it . Ilah was drunk too . And Farah tried talking to me, seriously she made me feel better . And then Raphie somehow realised too . And he tried talking to me . Seriously, I didn't wish to feel that bad . He tried telling me it was okay . He talked to me, sampai terbalek lambat . Sorry bitch . I love Farah and bitch . But I still got to go through this, it is my future . Then it got really bad . Like seriously, I've never been that drunk or sick . I couldn't even get up . I was telling myself to sober up . But everything was spinning, even things in my brain was . My points, my parents, my life, my future, ITE, poly . I knew I had to clear my head, fast . They made me like eat a lemon . Ilah, I'm so sorry for screaming at you . Then, Ilah made the rest go home cause they were late . So Farah and Has left . Followed by Amir and Agust . Kene pakse . Then Kenet Azli And Ilah were left . We walked home , but somehow Azli carried me although I said I could walk . Thanks Azli . And Ilah made sure I reached my doorstep , and as I walked I looked at her, and thanked her like gazillion times . And I bathed and called they all to thank them . And I called Raphie, firstly cause I miss him and secondly cause I just felt a need to talk to him . And then my dad wanted to talk to me . Then I felt so bad that I fell asleep on the kitchen floor, in tears and forgotten to call Raphie =(Farah, Ilah, Raphie, Epul, Afa, Agust, Amir, Azli, Kenet, Affik, Ahmad, Alya, Afzal . Thanks (:Kimek, sayang korang rabak .Labels: Bummed; Disappointment failure .
Too shallow to swallow
6:55 AM - Monday, January 5, 2009
At home, there's still two sides against me .Side A : Mom and dearest son .Side B : Dad and dearest daughter .How can you expect me to be so perfect when you don't know the meaning of it ?How can you expect me not make a mistake when you did the biggest mistake of your life, having me as a daughter ?How can you expect me to get 12 points when all you do is order me around when I'm studying and then pushing me to the ground with critics that Imma fail ?I'm just 16, give me a break !Don't give a frigging fuck .Even my cousins sees it already .Thanks for bringing me up into this world .But I'm walking the rest of my life, alone .Sometimes I would want to be the girl who can count on her sister .Sometimes I would want to be the lil sister who her brother catches when she falls .Everytime I would like to be the one who gets kiss by her mom .Everytime I would like to be the one who gets praise by her dad .I want my old brother and my old sister back .I want arwah Mama Labels: Bummed; Am I even well-equipped for this long journey of life ?
A fool believed, I can't just go on like this
6:40 AM
Take a look at me .Can't you see ?I'm invulnerable and strongerThat's why I dared to scream at you in anger .Isn't this what you want ?So please back off, give me space and air . I've found the happiness I wanted, so please let me be at it .You said you wanted me to move on, and yet you're not letting me un-love youWhich I already did .You're trying so hard trying to remind me about us, but there was never a time when it's just us .There's always another girl .You took my dignity away by bringing her down with our friends and had me crying in front there, ashamed of how my friends might think of me .You already took my rights when you told everyone I was the bitch .You already my sense of right and wrong when you lied again and again .You told me to change and everytime I tried to, you say it wasn't good enough .I'm not your slave .You find me when you're in deep shit cause you know I won't judge you .I'm not your toy .I know I'm naive but not stupid .I'm just trying to be understanding of how it's like being you .You already took all my confidence I was trying to gain back .I can't even see myself without seeing everything's wrong with me .My happiness is not with you .So please I beg you .Please let me go .Let me do what I want to .I want to be happy, with bitch or w/o him .
Dammnn, I'm missing my sweet bitch already !
Labels: Bummed; Mirrors make me feel sick .
Kudos
the idiot who spent forever on this skin
Pimped my blog
DancingSheep
