I'm sorry for not being there, for throwing shit on your face when all you gave me was all I needed .
AND I'm sorry that he wasn't there, that he repaid pretence to me, when I gave all .
Mostly, I apologize to my own self for not giving myself a chance .
I'm glad that I'm stronger, invulnerable .
Showing I've gotten over the 9 months in a week .
I'm loving this life, having the chance to breathe w/o being told I'm unabled .
Finally, I'm letting me loving myself even when I'm already so weak .
I'm hating the fact, that I'm not letting anyone control me , instructions .
How I'm so generous physically, not mentally .
I want to change my views, my ways and myy concentration .
But , that would mean I'll still have to pretend , walking down the same dark alley .
I am letting myself love you, but I'm not letting you love me .
I know, I'm silly but one thing, this is not what I wanted .
Who wouldn't want to be loved and happy ?
It's hilarious how I can feel something that I don't want to .
Yet, not being able to feel what I longed for .
It's wonderful how I can love someone else after you .
Yet it's sad that I can't stop relating him to you .
And it's ever more sad, that I'm not happy that he's loving me .
Cause I'm feel guilty, and used to being rejected .
Labels: Bummed; How it is that everything I do is related to you even tying myy shoelaces