I don't do perfect, I love perfunctory or challenges
4:35 AM - Thursday, June 26, 2008
Today was goddamn fun .Im so loving school, at least unless our seats will change .Haha !Me and Farah ended up laughing the whole day .Haha, she claims there's satans in class 4/3 .Fucking fun !Afa was expressionless .And this is Farah's way to stop laughing : HAIZZZ ! ASTARFIRULLAHHALAZIM !Mine was : OKAY2, TAK KLAKAR, TAK KLAKAR .We kept on saying that to ourself to stop from laughing, but couldn't .(: Myy baby (;Afa asked me just now : Abe Farah ape ?I answered : Farah ? Dier bestfriend aku tak pena tinggalkan aku sampai sekarang(still counting) . And I mean it .FARAH, is the one who seen me grow at the upmost important verge of myy life .ILAH, the one who walks in, not everytime, but at the point of needs .&AFA, the one who makes me understand myyself and make me realise, and keep trying no matter how hard-headed I am .ILY all, including the rest .Which reminds me, I feel so bad .Guy: "I am so sure . I'm reserved for you. No rush, take your time ."Me: No no, don't . Seriously . I wouldn't want you to lose out on any opportunities, especially when I'm not sure myyself . What if there's no gain just loss ?Guy: Idc cause I am so sure , and all I ask for is someone who I can pour out myy feelings to which I kept for 4 or 5 years . I don't expect much .Me: You don't . But I expect ALOT from myself and commitments expects alot . Listen, honestly, I'm afraid of commitments . Alright FRIEND, I'm dizzy, off to bed . The I-don't-know-what-number-already guy Ive been pushing away for someone who is just, haiz .No looking back, I can't fucking regret, cause I made this happen . I don't need all those flings or whatever, I just need myy friends to understand why I'm still hoping for rain that would never pour . Waiting for him means I have nothing to gain or lose . Cause I have all I need to replace everything else, YOU GUYS (:------------------------------
Forgive me, I'm just a kiddo ---------------------------------
Labels: Bummed; You're a fine art, something I can't balance or aim right for .
7:39 AM - Sunday, June 22, 2008
HUHU !I'm soo goddamn jumpy .Why ? Cause myy family and friends are awesomely awesome !And why ?Haha, obviously shopping .Okay, so let me talk about my June holiday .Nothing much .On 13th June, celebrated Ilah and Fret birthday .Whoa~Things didnt go as planned, it went better !Firstly, I met the birthday girl first .And we went drinking, Smirnoff .I took the first shot, to toast Ilah's birthday .I didn't drank much cause I vomitted at myy 3rd shot, wonder why the fuck !Called Yati down .In the end, Ilah drank 10shots, I drank 5 and Yati 5 .Then went to Bedok Inter, OKAY FUCK ! ILAH WAS FREAKING WASTED .And it was embarrassing, and Yati wasn't helping .Then we asked Ilah to go to Skatepark to meet the rest, Thankgod she's high and didn't ask much .Then met Nurul, Han, Epul and Epul's bro at Primadeli .Like, we had to run around Bedok Inter to buy stuffs !Get a cake, get things to sabo and shop at NTUC mcm paham siul kte !Then we went to OCH, to meet Zal and Fret . Haha, then went to Changi Point, and the fun began .They were blindfolded by shawls .
And then we sabo-ed them .
And smash cake into their faces .
THINGS WE DID:
1) Stuff/decorate the cake w fake but urghh insects
2)Put sparkles in their ciggarettes .
THINGS IN THE SABO ITEM
1) Cheapest flour .
2) Cheapest salt .
3) Cheapest red bean .
4) Cheapest spice .
5) Cheapest santan .
6) Whiskers .
(:(:(:
But sadly tomorrow school reopens :(Labels: Bummed; These are the few of my favourite things .
8:21 AM - Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I just sat at home in front of the damn screen or tv screen .
Afa came by, and I decided to cover for her .
As in I could have followed bring myy niece along .
But I think Irfaan would want alone time w her .
So jyeah .
And I think bringing my niece would be difficult .
That's myy gift guys for your 5th MONTHSARY !
And I melt in your presence like I've never have or will .
1:01 AM
"since u said we've nt known each other much then why do u still ask mi whether i still like u or not. And since u said that why cant u just give us more time to know each other better, u're bring self-fish to me n urself. give others n urself a chance. "
And I went speechless after an hour of debating cause of what he said soon after . This I just can't deny, but I tried lying myy way out, cause I just wanted to make myy point:
You're being selfish to me too, cause im afraid of commitments, give me time . I was wrong we're not better off as friends, we're better off as strangers, what we originally were . I am sorry .
And till now I can't stop thinking bout what he said .
Am I selfish ?
Am I just not thinking about myself ?
Like, I'm not giving anyone a chance except him, who's I'm unsure of giving me up .
I'm tired of depending on time .
And why is it this time, being faithful is just so wrong .
God please guide me to the right one .
Labels: Bummed; Im not thinking about any other or me but just him .
It's not the best, it's the ones (:
11:02 AM - Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Bestfriends and mom ! (:
10:54 AM
Myy bestfriends came to my crib today (:First, met Ahmad update him on Friday .Met NisyaBABY to take slack . ILY !Farah and Afa came to myy crib to just slack around and gossip .(:Girls stuffs .Mom was great, was friendly (:Haha, we camwhored alot alot .Stupid faces, funny hairstyle .Haha !Then around 7 they went home .Fun day .Then around 8 Ilah came .Her friends ditched her .She was sort of .....
Won't say it here .Hope her birthday won't be spoilt .She ate pancake .We smoke .She drank pepsi .She was beautiful in the blue dress .She's always beautiful .So is Farah and Afa to me (:And Mom too .Then went online, Mr hottie hot hottie was online .Pick some guts and asked him to tag along on Fri .He passed me his number :)AWWW !And he protected me !double AWW !Can today get anymore awesome ?!!?Cause I'm so not complaining (:But Kyna is, cause I've not entertain her for the whole day .She've been seeking myy attention and finally sulking now cause I just not paying any .Little kid, clever (:Tawu rindu aku !Nyehehehes ~~
I'll post the pichasss soon, real soon !
IBU ! FARAH !ILAH ! AFA ! (:Labels: Bummed; I want more of todays (: Please
MOM I LOVE YOU!
11:54 AM - Sunday, June 8, 2008
I LOVE FARAH !
I LOVE ILAH !
I LOVE AFA !
I LOVE ZAL !
its always down to these four bitches !
AHMAD SAIFUDDIN !
NISYA !
FRET !
RAD !
epul !
(:
credits to all
Labels: Bummed; I see myy true colours shining on me (:
So beat it .
12:23 PM - Saturday, June 7, 2008
That's why I'm weak .Cause friends, they mean something .I don't act ego cause I can't take a chance to lose them .That's why I just smile when they point out my weakness .Cause I don't lose anything .I'm afraid if I rebark, I'll lose them .I'm not that friend . I'm not that friend who'll judge her friends . Or ask them who the fuck they think they are .I'm not that friend who share my problems cause I'm afraid they can't accept .I'm not that friend who have the right to detestate them, unless I detestate myself .I just won't be that friend anymore .Labels: Bummed; All these friends are like weapons in the form of words
Friends
12:06 PM
Aina go get a life. I don't mind you popping into my problems but do you even know what's happening now and then? Don't start shooting with your unlicensed mouth. If you want it to be over,I'm fine with that because there's more from where I come from. That neighbourhood kids are always waiting for me. They are much more conventional than you are.And I'll stop only when I think it's time for me. Don't make me detestate you,dammit.1st line: I have a life (: better friends than you .
2ndline: The problem is you and it's not my fault you're an asshole to everyone . And that's myy friend's friend's laptop and I'm afraid that my friend would be involved .
3rd line : Wow, my unlicensed mouth ? From what I remember I just asked things, and suddenly you asked me to shut up .
4th line: Waiting for you ? Haha, kid, there's much that you know .
5th line: I'm definitely conventional than YOU are .
6th line: Go and die .
7th line: I'm so scared that an asshole gonna detestate me (:
Dude, I don't mean all that above . Like seriously .It's just a post I would have written if I was YOU to reply .It's just a post I would have written if I was the old me, the cherry old me .But this below is the post I am writing .But myy point is, you're really not an asshole, but you're not proving it much cause then you won't post about your friends acting like she's crawling to you like you're her only friend .Why don't you post about those times she helped you console about the cases you had ?Why don't you post about those times she lied for you ?Why don't you post about how she never blames you ?Cause those are the things I posted, problems I just solved, I don't post .
You let people look at your friends like they're a pile of shit, like they ill-treat you .
Cause you never state the great things they've done .
She's a girl, and you should consider her feelings .I feel insulted .With everything that is going on, that post you made bout me, thanks .I'm your friend, not Dudy, not Danish .You treat them better than me .Dude, you're putting yourself in a higher rank that we all .Like you're worth judging us, judging me .When I know I'm not worth judging you .I'm not even worth judging myself .I'm so sorry, but I feel too insulted . The best thing is you've never say sorry for those things you said like 'Who do you think you are?
"As if reality wasn't enough, you hit me with insults and shits I can never understand or stand . These are what we call friends . They don't lift your head when you hung it down, they'll step it lower, no, to the lowest ."
Labels: Bummed; Take a bow cause Im sure you felt great .
Shaking from the pain that's in my head, I just want to crawl to someone's warmth
9:45 AM
Life's been average lately .Even if it isn't, I don't know .It's average in the way how myy life is .As in, maybe to you it isn't .I don't go out as much as I do .School ended, June break starts .I just spend myy time on computer or sleeping myy head off .I've been thinking, if mom can believe I can stop myy habit .Why aren't I giving myself the chance to live normally ?I guess it's true that people just don't stop till they get it right in their face .Mom's right about what she said , she's being open bout it .And I know I should be grateful, but I feel uneasy .Doctor said, myy blood pressure is too low .He told me to stop smoking too habitually, but he doesn't know that it's not smoking cause I don't smoke that much, in fact littler that last time, but it's another bad habit that is increasing .It's not that I don't want to .I just can't .I don't expect others to understand, but myy mom do .Cause she knows whats an addiction .Cause she knows how hard it's been for me .I thought she's unaware of myy world, but it's me who's unaware of her knowing everything, and seeing me cry or in a daze almost everynight, regretting .It's nothing like smoking, it hurts me .Yet it's harder to stop .I STARTED PRAYING 5 TIMES A DAY (:Meeting counselor in a week, hope it helps .Cause I'm weak ."First it was a trial, then it became a cure, then it turned to a hallucinating addiction."Ilah's and Fret's birthdays are coming .One word, they're DEAD (:
-As I lay on this grass, gazing at those stars, I miss the times when I lay on myy mom's lap feeling secured, knowing my future is bright ahead and I can't wait to live it . But now, I'm afraid of my future . Even the bright stars can't challenge myy mom's love that she has shower on me .
"These raindrops, I hope they're not myy tears. No, it's her blood ."
Labels: Bummed; I can't see me the way you do mom, Ive lost myy self-esteem and ego
