MY ROLE MODEL
To myy ones :
Im sorry for not opening up .
I just wish you would understand .
How can you expect me to open up when I haven't even face it .
Im tired of not facing it .
I just hope you guys would understand, I thought you all you know that I would tell you but just not now .
I haven't been unfair, I never did tell anyone .
They just found out, they had initiative .
And you all could have at least give me time .
I had alot to deal with .
I was just expecting you guys to just not worry, I just expect us to just live as per normal and I deal with myy life by myself .
Cause I don't want to be judged .
You may say that you don't judge .
But somehow slowly you are showing that you are judging .
If you can't accept me now, then just dwell on the old Aina .
Cause she's never coming back, I tried to being her back but I realised you guys don't want her .
But neither do you want this new Aina .
And is it fair to me ?
Think for a second .
Which one of you spend enough time to understand myy world ?
Myy hectic life ? I just pretended to be hectic, cause you guys have no time for me and I don't want to get your symphaty .
And I understand that it's not your fault that you're busy .
But I just don't understand why you can't understand ?
You can't spend time w me and just won't understand that Im not opening up ?
And you expect me to face it all at one go .
I just don't tell anymore .
None know everything .
Some people knows this part .
The other this part .
I don't choose, they are the one .
I just tell things that are affecting you guys and eventually I tell EVERYTHING .
Even that, you guys are not satisfy .
You of all people should know, I need time to open up .
Like you said it's better to hear from the person itself, how come I don't get those since last time ?
You tell others your feelings and Im just left, ensured that you're okay and just letting you live your life cause I don't want to make the same mistake and lose you like how I lost her .
Then suddenly, BAM ! I was told how you miss the old me .
I changed for all . I've always been happy with the old me, but the my life is not so I changed .
Have you ever wonder how I endured ?
Cause I thought you'd understand and I should too .
Im sorry for not showing how sorry I am .
Im sorry for just not being a good friend .
Im sorry for not opening up .
Im sorry if you think Im just retaliating what you gave to me .
Im not, Im just trying to understand .
Trying not to make any changes, and to do so I just .........
I don't want anymore changes .
" Why do it seems like the world is watching over me to disgrace myself when its me who's finding ways to disgrace myself ? "
" I owe my happiness, soul, world to you guys . But I don't want to owe this life to anyone cause it's too much for me to ask from you ."
" I want to make a change for myself for once, I want no change ."
Can you guys understand ? Every single word .
This is not a explanation . It's what you guys wanted; truth .
Note: There's more that meets the eye .
Labels: Bummed; Surely I can survive .